Is it better not to have an only child?
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The decision to have an only child is often debated, and there are many benefits and disadvantages. Ultimately, it is a personal choice based on one's experiences and circumstances.
As I am sure many others did, I began to imagine my future in detail from a very young age. This included my career, my partner’s career, and the number and names of my future children. Since the day this careful planning began, my mother has always stressed one message: don’t have an only child.
As an only child herself, she refused to stop at one child (instead— and this is maybe a bit overkill —she had six children). Her personal experiences informed this long-held, deeply rooted, and incredibly strong opinion. I always respected that, and as I could see the clear benefits of having siblings (and the drawbacks of/stereotypes associated with being an only child), I agreed to have at least two.
On a broader scale, though, people in the United States have begun having fewer children; the percentage of mothers who have had only one child doubled between 1976 and 2021 to 22 percent, according to the Pew Research Center. Considering this, we are prompted to consider further the benefits and disadvantages of having, or being, an only child— disregarding any preconceived notions we may have.
One possible benefit of having an only child is relieving financial stress. Many prospective parents are concerned about the financial strain of having multiple children; many young people discuss not having any children, let alone having more than one child. Raising children is expensive. Many estimates are floating around the internet of how much it actually costs to raise a child, and while the estimates vary a bit in size, ranging from about $202,248 to $430,928 or higher, they are all very daunting. Having only one child would alleviate some of that financial strain and allow the child access to more financial resources.
Having only one child would also likely increase the amount of attention that could be devoted to that child. They could benefit from homework help, extracurricular activities, and general emotional support from their parents— things that often fall to older siblings in large families, where parents find themselves stretched thin and struggling to meet the needs of every child. This also comes with a drawback for only children: with all that attention focused on them, it may create even more stress and pressure to perform well and meet parental expectations.
There are many widely held stereotypes about only children, some of which I can admit to having accepted, supported by psychological studies in the twentieth century. One psychologist, Hall, reported in 1986 that only children tended to be “jealous, selfish, egotistical, dependent, aggressive, domineering, or quarrelsome.” There is even a name for the alleged personality deficits of only children— only child syndrome. The stereotype is that only children are “coddled or over-indulged, selfish, lacking in social skills, overly sensitive, [and] used to receiving excessive attention from parents.”
I have met some only children who seem to fit this stereotype— but I have also met many who do not. Many studies have found minimal personality trait differences between children and children with siblings, if any. One study found that only children were more interested in solitude than those who had siblings— which may not necessarily be a bad thing. Only children seem more comfortable with loneliness and living/operating independently.
Another study found that only children were less agreeable than those who grew up with siblings; a Chinese research group “measured the neural signatures of trust by conducting simultaneous brain scans of participants playing a game together (a technique known as hyperscanning) and found that only children showed less interpersonal synchronization in the medial prefrontal cortex than people who grew up with siblings.” Nonetheless, studies that indicate strong personality differences are few and far between. We should also exercise caution with these studies due to the great deal of variation among children. The experiences of only children are not uniform and can be impacted by socioeconomic status, geographic location, and even simply the parents themselves, among other factors.
Is it better not to have an only child? We may all have our own feelings on this matter, founded on our experiences. Since there are so many complicated and conditional benefits and drawbacks, I find it almost impossible to come to a conclusion. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what you wish to do— whether that be having absolutely no children or having seven— and I do not think judgment is merited.